If I lived back in the wild west days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That way, if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like "Hey, look. He's carrying a soldering iron!" and started laughing, and everybody ...
I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by meteorites and not even feel it.
Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth you'd probably be able to get a lot of free games.
A good way to threaten somebody is to light a stick of dynamite. Then you callthe guy and hold the burning fuse up to the phone. "Hear that?" you say."That's dynamite, baby."
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take mylittle nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-outwarehouse. "Oh, no," I said. "Disneyland burned down." He cried and cried, but I think that deep down, ...
At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be"Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But thenI thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at itwith your X-ray visio...
It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.
When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick yourelbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil.
If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the coursesshould be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
